Former 'Ex-gay' Leader Says They Lied

Former ‘Ex-Gay’ Leader John Smid: The Restored Hope Network Will Not Succeed

Posted September 13th, 2012 by Wayne Besen on Truth Wins Out

Former Love in Action director John Smid dropped by our website today and had this to say:

I have come across some awareness lately that has been unsettling for me. When I found that my life was in a downward spiral and that I needed help, I turned to the Ex-gay community. I thought that they, thinking they were like me, would be able to help me. So when I went to them. I thought they were peers and safe. So, they told me that they had been “delivered” from homosexuality and that I could be too. Of course the word “delivered” is a tremendously confusing concept.

So I followed them and began to bring others along behind me. I discovered that in fact they had not been delivered from homosexuality (my understanding of their words was that homosexuality was eradicated from their lives) and that some of the most significant leaders in fact still had all of the same sex attractions they had always had.

So, my awareness is this. I was led down a deceptive path, drank the koolaid and began to live the same deception they had been living and teaching. My own peers who should have been the safest ones to trust actually led me astray.

Then they said to follow straight men! They told me that I could be like them. So, I turned to straight men thinking they had the answers for my new life! Straight men didn’t know anything about what it is like to be gay. How could they possibly know how to help me find a life of value and blessing????

I am sorting through the personal affects of living through over two decades of being told I could find deliverance. I am also sorting through the after affects of being an Ex-gay leader for over two decades.

I walked alongside many of the foundational leaders of the Exodus movement. One of the more significant leaders said over and over that he had been delivered from homosexuality. While riding with him in his car one day, many years ago, he said he was still very attracted to the younger men he sees every day.

I should have listened to my heart then and ran away. But instead I just stuffed this experience and continued to hope for my own deliverance.

Today I am attempting to deconstruct the faulty foundation and going through a very challenging time with it all.

The Restored Hope Network will not succeed. Far too many truth tellers exist today. It is a remnant alright, but one that will quickly sink. It may have worked in 1974, but it will not work today. They do not have the goods, nor the truth.

Love Your Enemy

John J. Smid

Director, Grace Rivers Ministry

Posted: 05/14/2012 6:13 pm

I have heard "love your enemies" all my life. I also learned that it was a biblical principle, but I never really believed it was possible. It sounded good, but how hard is it to love someone who appears to be against you?

I experienced a situation that illuminated this passage brighter than I could have imagined. It was one of those "aha!" moments that blew my mind away. The circumstances of the event have been chronicled in a new documentary called This Is What Love in Action Looks Like.

In June 2005 I encountered a group of people protesting the ministry that I led, called Love in Action. The protesters upset my entire world. They shattered the foundation of my life. Their actions brought about huge consequences that were very difficult to overcome. This group was led by a man whom I referred to at the time as my "enemy." Given what he put me through, it appeared that he was trying to destroy my very soul. His name was Morgan Fox, and I didn't like him very much, even though I had never met him face-to-face.

A few months after the main thrust of this attack, Morgan requested a personal meeting with me. I very reluctantly agreed to the meeting, thinking it might get him off my back. With another person at my side for support, I spoke with him in my office for about an hour. I found the conversation quite surprising, because I saw something in this man that I didn't expect: I saw a human being who had a heart and a soul. I had previously thought of him as a man with an agenda. He shared some very vulnerable things about his life, which were surprising to me. His openness was disarming, and we had a good talk.

After this meeting, something deep inside me began so shift. Several months later Morgan attended a ministry meeting I was leading. He was kind and socially friendly. I found it easier to be around him this time, but I was still curious about what he was thinking and why he would come to a Love in Action function and appear to be connected to the group.

After coming to one more event we were hosting, he sent me an email. In it he actually complimented me on aspects of the ministry that were helpful to him. I couldn't go any longer without asking if we could meet one-on-one. I rather enjoyed the first meeting we were able to set, and it became clear that we were building a connection between us that didn't seem so negative. I was growing from my interaction with him. He was teaching me things that were interesting and valuable to me. But I kept our meetings somewhat secret, assuming that many would question why I would want to have coffee with my enemy, the man who'd organized a protest against my organization.

After several more years, he and I were sitting in my office, talking about the events surrounding the protest. I told him I saw him as an enemy, and right then, something blew through my brain like it had come from heaven. The message in the Bible about loving our enemies all of a sudden had pertinence. I looked at Morgan in the middle of my amazing revelation and said, "I can't imagine using the term 'enemy' in describing you anymore. You are my friend."

He smiled and nodded in agreement. I think it might have been a little uncomfortable for him to hear that, but this was his written response the next day: "Hey John. Had a good time yesterday. I am continually excited and feel more and more enriched as more of the evolution of our friendship becomes clear in the ways we've affected one another. So cool!"

I pondered the concept of loving our enemies and found that God had led me through an amazing life lesson. I wondered what would be in store for us if we could learn to love our enemies, and I realized that it would allow us to find new friends who could teach us amazing life lessons.

I started out thinking I was fighting against a man who was leading a group against me. I didn't want to talk to him and wished he would just vacate my life. My relationship with Morgan began with opposite passions regarding homosexuality. At that time, I think each of us had a hidden intent to change the other. But the change I wanted to see in him didn't come about. Morgan didn't fall to his knees and say he was wrong for leading the protest. I did change, though. I was humbled by the way Morgan was able to value me as a person and show me such deep respect, even when we didn't agree.

Today, I really like this guy. He is gracious, kind, thoughtful, and faithful. He is a servant and a giver, and he loves people. He thinks deeply, is intensely creative, loves his family, and follows convictions that resonate with his life values. I have a new name for my "enemy" of yesteryear: Friend.

Although This Is What Love in Action Looks Like is a recorded history of the protest, for me the real message of the film is that two enemies became friends when they were willing to listen to each other. As a result of Morgan Fox entering my life, I've experienced many changes at a very deep level. I feel embarrassed each time I watch the film, but it is a great evaluation of my life and a reminder of whom I used to be -- and never want to be again.

Watch the trailer for This Is What Love in Action Looks Like:

If you feel that you are tormented by uwanted same-sex attraction then the answer lies in loving and accepting your true self not rejecting or self loathing. The term 'unwanted same-sex attraction' adds to the denial. It is not an attraction it is an orientation. It is far deeper than just an attraction or behaviour and is a part of your brain wiring, thought processes, hormones and behaviour. People nedd to examine the 'unwanted' part of the statement not the orientation itself.

Before you invest the time, money, emotional energy and possibly years of your life trying to go from gay to straight, ask the ex-gay leaders what guarantee they can give you that it will work. If they are honest with you, the best they will be able to offer you as a degree of ‘heterosexual functionality’, but the gay never actually goes away. Then ask yourself what would be the best way to spend your time, money and emotional energy…..rejecting yourself or accepting yourself.

After 22 years of trying to change including ex-gay programs, exorcisms and 16 years of marriage, I came to the realisation that loving myself was far healthier than hating and rejecting my true self. Like 1,000’s of others today, I finally discovered that I can live a wonderfully fulfilling, moral life as an openly gay man and still have my faith.

Anthony Venn-Brown

John Smid Interview on Hardball - is this an 'ex-gay' tsunami?

John Smid admits to Chris Matthews on Hardball that his campaign to "Pray the Gay Away" never has worked and that he is still attracted to other men. Matthews interviews Smid on Hardball with Michelle Goldberg from The Daily Beast.

John Smid resigned as Executive Director of Love in Action in 2008, but has only now made statements that reveal how much he has shifted in his previous beliefs and attitudes. Love In Action, the flagship ex-gay ministry of Exodus International, shut down its residential program in 2007. In his recent statements John has distanced himself from the message he preached for years as the head of his ministry that promised, along with Exodus International, that ‘change is possible’.

John has been on a journey for some time, not unlike many of us, and is coming to greater revelations of his relationship not only with himself but also God and his wife. A new relationship has also come to light with those who used to be a part of the 'Love in Action' or who followed John's previous teachings. Many of those are hurt angry and some very damaged by the message of ignorance that homosexuality is a sin and God can heal you an make you heterosexual. Some forgive and understandably for others it brings anger and the pain.

It can take years to undo the years of personal ignorance about sexual orientation and overcome the religious conditioning that creates denial, shame and self hatred. It took me 26 years to work through all this personally and come to a place where I had a healthy view of myself, my orientation and the gay community. Some felt that his previous statements and apology didn't go far enough.

It’s an unfolding consciousness and journey to true freedom. Ignorance is what keeps us bound.

John’s recent honest statements and confessions demonstrate just how far he has come in his journey. Considering this, one does wonder how much longer Exodus and other ex-gay ministries can keep proclaiming the outdated message that homosexuality is a choice and that people can change from gay to straight. There have been leaders in the past who have left in scandal but here is John’s journey…quietly resigned from the organisation and slowly but surely entering a new life of honesty and authenticity. I am sure that some within the Exodus ministries will feel betrayed by John’s statements but others of us applaud his willingness to risk being open and honest.

To summarise the turnaround shifts, John now says same sex orientation is unchangeable, heterosexual marriage hasn’t change me or anyone else I know and you can be a Christian and gay. WOW! (but many of us found that out years ago). Welcome to our world John….you will find it to not be anywhere near as evil, destructive and fulfilling as it has been made out to be.

In his own words John Smid now says:

• You can’t repent of homosexuality

"One cannot repent of something that is unchangeable. I have gone through a tremendous amount of grief over the many years that I spoke of change, repentance, reorientation and such, when, barring some kind of miracle, none of this can occur with homosexuality."

• I have never met anyone who has changed from gay to straight.

"I also want to reiterate here that the transformation for the vast majority of homosexuals will not include a change of sexual orientation. Actually I’ve never met a man who experienced a change from homosexual to heterosexual."

• Homosexuality is not about sexual behaviour, it is much more profound.

"I used to define homosexuality or heterosexuality in terms describing one’s behaviour. I thought it made sense and through the years often wrote articles and talked from that perspective. Today, I understand why the gay community had such an issue with my writings. My perspective denied so many facets of the homosexual experience. I minimized a person’s life to just their sexuality but homosexuality is much more than sex."

• I am gay

"I would consider myself homosexual and yet in a marriage with a woman. My sexual desires, attractions and lifelong struggle with common factors relating to homosexuality are pretty much all in the classification of homosexual."

• Heterosexual marriage didn’t change me

"I am homosexual, my wife is heterosexual. This creates a unique marriage experience that many do not understand. For many years I tried to fit into the box of heterosexuality. I tried my hardest to create heterosexuality in my life but this also created a lot of shame, a sense of failure, and discouragement. Nothing I did seemed to change me into a heterosexual even though I was in a marriage that included heterosexual behaviour."

• You can be a Christian and gay

"I hear story after story of men and women who accept themselves as being gay, in Christ, and finally find that life makes sense to them. Many are able to then nurture an authentic relationship with Christ because they are being honest and authentic with themselves and finally are able to accept His love unconditionally which changes the dynamic of their understanding of Him. Far too many homosexuals who are seeking Christ perceive that they cannot come close to Him if they remain a homosexual. In this mindset they search feverishly for change that will not come to them."

© Anthony Venn-Brown

Twitter: @gayambassador

Facebook: Anthony Venn-Brown - A Life of Unlearning

Anthony Venn-Brown is the co-founder and former leader of Freedom 2 b[e], Australia’s largest network of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) people from Christian backgrounds. He is also an educator and consultant on LGBT/faith issues and leader in deconstructing the ‘ex-gay’ myth. Anthony’s autobiography 'A Life of Unlearning', details his journey from married, high profile preacher in Australia’s mega-churches to living as an openly gay man. Anthony has been twice voted ‘One of the 25 Most Influential Gay and Lesbian Australians’ (2007 & 2009) and this year was one of four finalists for the ACON Community Hero Award.

"I am gay and it can't be changed" - John Smid

John Smid resigned as Executive Director of Love in Action in 2008, but has only now made statements that reveal how much he has shifted in his previous beliefs and attitudes. Love In Action, the flagship ex-gay ministry of Exodus International, shut down its residential program in 2007. In his recent statements John has distanced himself from the message he preached for years as the head of his ministry that promised, along with Exodus International, that ‘change is possible’.

John has been on a journey for some time, not unlike many of us, and is coming to greater revelations of his relationship not only with himself but also God and his wife. A new relationship has also come to light with those who used to be a part of the 'Love in Action' or who followed John's previous teachings. Many of those are hurt angry and some very damaged by the message of ignorance that homosexuality is a sin and God can heal you an make you heterosexual. Some forgive and understandably for others it brings anger and the pain.

It can take years to undo the years of personal ignorance about sexual orientation and overcome the religious conditioning that creates denial, shame and self hatred. It took me 26 years to work through all this personally and come to a place where I had a healthy view of myself, my orientation and the gay community. Some felt that his previous statements and apology didn't go far enough.
 

It’s an unfolding consciousness and journey to true freedom. Ignorance is what keeps us bound.

John’s recent honest statements and confessions demonstrate just how far he has come in his journey. Considering this, one does wonder how much longer Exodus and other ex-gay ministries can keep proclaiming the outdated message that homosexuality is a choice and that people can change from gay to straight. There have been leaders in the past who have left in scandal but here is John’s journey…quietly resigned from the organisation and slowly but surely entering a new life of honesty and authenticity. I am sure that some within the Exodus ministries will feel betrayed by John’s statements but others of us applaud his willingness to risk being open and honest.

To summarise the turnaround shifts, John now says same sex orientation is unchangeable, heterosexual marriage hasn’t change me or anyone else I know and you can be a Christian and gay. WOW! (but many of us found that out years ago). Welcome to our world John….you will find it to not be anywhere near as evil, destructive and fulfilling as it has been made out to be.
 

In his own words John Smid now says:

You can’t repent of homosexuality

"One cannot repent of something that is unchangeable. I have gone through a tremendous amount of grief over the many years that I spoke of change, repentance, reorientation and such, when, barring some kind of miracle, none of this can occur with homosexuality."

I have never met anyone who has changed from gay to straight.

"I also want to reiterate here that the transformation for the vast majority of homosexuals will not include a change of sexual orientation. Actually I’ve never met a man who experienced a change from homosexual to heterosexual."

Homosexuality is not about sexual behaviour, it is much more profound.

"I used to define homosexuality or heterosexuality in terms describing one’s behaviour. I thought it made sense and through the years often wrote articles and talked from that perspective. Today, I understand why the gay community had such an issue with my writings. My perspective denied so many facets of the homosexual experience. I minimized a person’s life to just their sexuality but homosexuality is much more than sex."

I am gay

"I would consider myself homosexual and yet in a marriage with a woman. My sexual desires, attractions and lifelong struggle with common factors relating to homosexuality are pretty much all in the classification of homosexual."

Heterosexual marriage didn’t change me

"I am homosexual, my wife is heterosexual. This creates a unique marriage experience that many do not understand. For many years I tried to fit into the box of heterosexuality. I tried my hardest to create heterosexuality in my life but this also created a lot of shame, a sense of failure, and discouragement. Nothing I did seemed to change me into a heterosexual even though I was in a marriage that included heterosexual behaviour."

You can be a Christian and gay

"I hear story after story of men and women who accept themselves as being gay, in Christ, and finally find that life makes sense to them. Many are able to then nurture an authentic relationship with Christ because they are being honest and authentic with themselves and finally are able to accept His love unconditionally which changes the dynamic of their understanding of Him. Far too many homosexuals who are seeking Christ perceive that they cannot come close to Him if they remain a homosexual. In this mindset they search feverishly for change that will not come to them."

© Anthony Venn-Brown
Twitter: @gayambassador
Facebook: Anthony Venn-Brown - A Life of Unlearning

Anthony Venn-Brown is the co-founder and former leader of Freedom 2 b[e], Australia’s largest network of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) people from Christian backgrounds. He is also an educator and consultant on LGBT/faith issues and leader in deconstructing the ‘ex-gay’ myth. Anthony’s autobiography 'A Life of Unlearning', details his journey from married, high profile preacher in Australia’s mega-churches to living as an openly gay man. Anthony has been twice voted ‘One of the 25 Most Influential Gay and Lesbian Australians’ (2007 & 2009) and this year was one of four finalists for the ACON Community Hero Award.

If you feel that you are tormented by uwanted same-sex attraction then the answer lies in loving and accepting your true self not rejecting or self loathing. The term 'unwanted same-sex attraction' adds to the denial. It is not an attraction it is an orientation. It is far deeper than just an attraction or behaviour and is a part of your brain wiring, thought processes, hormones and behaviour. People nedd to examine the 'unwanted' part of the statement not the orientation itself.

Before you invest the time, money, emotional energy and possibly years of your life trying to go from gay to straight, ask the ex-gay leaders what guarantee they can give you that it will work. If they are honest with you, the best they will be able to offer you as a degree of ‘heterosexual functionality’, but the gay never actually goes away. Then ask yourself what would be the best way to spend your time, money and emotional energy…..rejecting yourself or accepting yourself.
 

After 22 years of trying to change including ex-gay programs, exorcisms and 16 years of marriage, I came to the realisation that loving myself was far healthier than hating and rejecting my true self. Like 1,000’s of others today, I finally discovered that I can live a wonderfully fulfilling, moral life as an openly gay man and still have my faith.

Anthony Venn-Brown

Former Love in Action Director John Smid Offers Apology?

John Smid was the director of Exodus member ministry Love in Action (LIA), which at that time ran Refuge, a residential 'ex-gay' program in Memphis, Tennessee, for 22 years. This program gained notoriety in 2005 when a teen, Zach Stark, created a plea for help on his MySpace page. This event sparked outrage, that a 16 year old kid could be forced, by his family, against his will, to become a part of a highly restrictive program that had no qualified workers or mental health professionals as staff members. The protests that followed were a significant turning point that raised public awareness on the practices of 'ex-gay' ministries and what was going on behind closed doors.

In 2007, five former Australian ex-gay leaders publicly said they had changed their previously held views on homosexuality. One of those was John Metyard who had been the Exodus Asia Pacific and a Living Waters leader. John had also served on the International Advisory Board of Exodus. Three former leaders of Exodus in the US also offered apologies.

John Smid resigned as Director of Love in Action in 2008 and has also offered his own apology ....joining his voice with so many former 'ex-gay' leaders.

"Some people have spoken out about being wounded through their experience with Love In Action. I want to say I am very sorry for the things that have wounded you or hurt you by my hands of leadership at Love In Action or anything I have done personally that has harmed you. Please forgive me.” Smid says.

In 2007 the Love in Action residential facility was closed down but the organisation still exists. As their website states:

Love In Action International holds that for the Christian believer, homosexual behaviour will never bring true satisfaction; and that the way to inner peace, joy, and hope is through a relationship with Jesus Christ and submission to God’s will in all areas of life, including sexuality.

The above statement, of course, completely ignores three things:

1. 

   If only I could flick a switch

   The testimonies of the thousands of gay Christians who have resolved all issues of faith and sexuality and are living fulfilled, moral lives. The concept that a persons sexual orientation determined whether they were a Christian was flawed to begin with 40 years ago (when Exodus was founded); today it's completely irrelevant.
2. The growing scientific evidence concerning the harm caused to people who go through 'ex-gay' programs and statements by so many mental health professional bodies warning of the dangers.
3. All reputable mental health professional organisations agree that same sex orientation does not need changing. If it is 'unwanted', as often quoted by 'ex-gay' religious groups, it is 'unwanted' because of ignorance about sexual orientation or religious/societal pressure to conform.

John Smid Promo of The Journey of Thomas and Grace Rivers from John Smid on Vimeo.

This is a six minute promotional video of John Smid reflecting on a story of loving an enemy who later becomes a friend. The message is titled, The Journey of Thomas and represents Grace Rivers Ministry in Memphis, TN

If you feel that you are tormented by uwanted same-sex attraction then the answer lies in loving and accepting your true self not rejecting or self loathing. The term 'unwanted same-sex attraction' adds to the denial. It is not an attraction it is an orientation. It is far deeper than just an attraction or behaviour and is a part of your brain wiring, thought processes, hormones and behaviour. People nedd to examine the 'unwanted' part of the statement not the orientation itself.

Before you invest the time, money, emotional energy and possibly years of your life trying to go from gay to straight, ask the ex-gay leaders what guarantee they can give you that it will work. If they are honest with you, the best they will be able to offer you as a degree of ‘heterosexual functionality’, but the gay never actually goes away. Then ask yourself what would be the best way to spend your time, money and emotional energy…..rejecting yourself or accepting yourself.

After 22 years of trying to change including ex-gay programs, exorcisms and 16 years of marriage, I came to the realisation that loving myself was far healthier than hating and rejecting my true self. Like 1,000’s of others today, I finally discovered that I can live a wonderfully fulfilling, moral life as an openly gay man and still have my faith.

Anthony Venn-Brown