When faith and sexuality collide

When faith and sexuality collide

Jill Stark

Published: April 14, 2013

Right to the end, Damien Christie feared that the God he worshipped did not love him back.

Rejected by his Pentecostal church for his sexuality, he underwent gay ''conversion'' therapy at a Christian ministry in Melbourne. If the program's aim was to ''pray away the gay'', it failed. He remained a homosexual man with a strong faith, and found a new church that embraced him.

Yet the turmoil of trying to reconcile the warring parts of his identity left an indelible mark.

On March 27, Damien took his own life. Nobody can know with certainty what triggered the decision, but those close to the 43-year-old personal carer believe ''reparative'' therapy at Mosaic Ministries in Melbourne's south-east scarred him deeply.

''It troubled him right to the end,'' said friend and counsellor Matt Glover, a former Baptist pastor sacked from his Lilydale church in 2011 for publicly supporting same-sex marriage.

''I saw him every two weeks for counselling and he would often ask the question, 'Does God still love me, Matt?' Despite me reassuring him every time, it just couldn't stick. He was a very sensitive, kind, compassionate man. So many people loved him but life was just too hard. It's tragic.''

Mr Glover, who conducted Damien's funeral last Wednesday, hopes his death will be a wake-up call for church leaders in denial about the damage caused when they reject gay members of their flock.

It's a view backed by other Christian counsellors and health experts, who say the phenomenon of what they call ''gay religious suicide'' is vastly under-reported.

While conversion programs are at the extreme end of the spectrum - and relatively rare, with fewer than 15 believed to be operating in Australia - rejection of gay church members is common as religious leaders from all denominations grapple with homosexuality within their ranks.

In Fairfax Media story last year, Damien, a regular volunteer at the Lort Smith Animal Hospital, described how he was driven to attempt suicide after being told in therapy that his homosexuality was a ''sickness'' that could be cured.

He said Carol Hardy, who runs Mosaic Ministries - which, according to its website, aims to ''inform and educate communities, parents and families to better understand and handle those who struggle with sexual confusion'' - had suggested the sexual abuse he suffered as a child might have caused his homosexuality, and during a prayer session had pleaded for the ''spirit of Jezebel'' to leave him.

Another man, David Lograsso, told a similar story, saying that during counselling Mrs Hardy had linked his sexuality to his relationship with his father.

Mrs Hardy last week denied the claims, saying they were ''bizarre''. When The Sunday Age questioned why two men who had never previously met would invent such stories, she said: ''Well, that might be their perception, people have their perceptions. I'm not saying they're lying.''

She insisted sexuality had not been the focus of her sessions with Damien, whom she had not seen for more than 2½ years, and maintained she had repeatedly reassured him that God loved him unconditionally.

When asked if she believed homosexuality could be changed by her therapy, she said: ''No, not necessarily … The aim is to work with what the client's wanting to work on, and I work alongside them and the desires that they have.''

In a separate interview, David Hardy said the claims against his wife were ''malicious lies'' and that she had tried to help Damien.

Asked if his wife had ever told people she counselled that she could cure them of their homosexuality, he said: ''Wrong. Only if the person wants to be cured. They can be cured of anything. I'm not saying they can be cured completely but they can overcome it, like alcoholism.''

Damien's friends acknowledge that his troubles were complex - he struggled with alcohol issues and had been sexually abused as a child - but they feel the ministry's teachings damaged his self-esteem.

Mr Lograsso said the program had left both him and Damien feeling inadequate. ''His faith was still strong because he loved God but the residual effects of the ministry played a large part in his mental health. He used to say how he felt damaged and unworthy. The pain was just too great.''

Former evangelist preacher Anthony Venn-Brown, who now runs support groups for gay Christians, said he had received hundreds of emails from people who had been driven to attempt suicide due to the conflict between their faith and sexuality.

''If a 14-year-old kid goes to his pastor and says 'I think I might be gay', his first response most likely will be, 'Well, we're going to pray with you and help you overcome this', and that sets them on a path of self-destruction. If you're really involved in a strong evangelical church, that's your whole life, so you're worried you're going to lose your social network, you're going to go to hell, your family might reject you and your relationship with God will be over,'' he said.

Professor Anne Mitchell from La Trobe University's Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, who has conducted extensive research on same-sex-attracted youth, said those from faith-based backgrounds were much more likely to self-harm or attempt suicide.

''There's no doubt it's an under-reported phenomenon. For many kids it means a choice between their faith and being gay. But they just can't cut the gay stuff away to be acceptable to their religion and eventually there has to be a resolution. For most young people it's to leave the church, but sadly for some it would be to kill themselves,'' she said.

It was concerns over high suicide and self-harm rates among gay and lesbian people from faith backgrounds that led Rob Buckingham, pastor of the Pentecostal Bayside Church in Cheltenham, to deliver a groundbreaking sermon two years ago with the message that ''real Christianity is accepting''.

''The church in general needs to reach out with the love of God for all people. Jesus had a special compassion for those who were marginalised by society and the religious institutions of his day. I believe the church of today needs to reflect that same compassion,'' he said last week.

Mr Venn-Brown said education was vital for religious leaders.

''We need to tackle what's going on in these big mega-churches. What's going on with pastors and church leaders who are completely ignorant? I know of a church where one of the pastors recommended to a guy that he go and see a female prostitute because he couldn't comprehend that this guy could not be attracted to or enjoy sex with a woman,'' he said.

In a statement, Australian Christian Churches - the nation's largest Pentecostal movement - said it had ''a commitment to endeavour to show the love of God to all people, regardless of culture, creed or sexual orientation''.

The Catholic Church was unable to provide anyone to comment on this story.

Mr Venn-Brown has formed Ambassadors and Bridge Builders International, an organisation that aims to reach out to and educate church leaders from all denominations to ensure gay people of faith are welcomed.

''There are pastors and church leaders out there still living with that outdated belief that either you become gay because your dad didn't love you enough or your mum was overbearing, or you were sexually abused, or that you choose to be gay and that you can change it,'' he said.

''The culture of secrecy and silence breeds shame, and until we change that these tragedies are just going to be repeated.''

For help or information call Suicide Helpline Victoria on  1300 651 251  or Lifeline on 131 114, or visit beyondblue.org.au

jstark@fairfaxmedia.com.au

This story was found at: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/when-faith-and-sexuality-collide-20130413-2hskc.html

ABOUT ANTHONY VENN-BROWN

Anthony Venn-Brown is a founder of Freedom 2 b[e], Australia’s largest network of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) people from Christian backgrounds and is currently director of Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International. He is an educator, consultant and commentator on LGBT/faith issues and been committed to deconstructing the ‘ex-gay’ myth in Australia. Anthony’s journey from married, high profile preacher in Australia’s mega-churches to living as an openly gay man is detailed in his autobiography 'A Life of Unlearning'. Anthony has been twice voted ‘One of the 25 Most Influential Gay and Lesbian Australians’ (2007 & 2009) and was one of four finalists for the 2011 ACON Community Hero Award.

After teen suicides, gay opponents look inward

After teen suicides, gay opponents look inward

Oct 18, 2010 by Adelle M. Banks

(RNS) When Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi killed himself after his roommate allegedly broadcast his sexual encounter with another man, the Rev. R. Albert Mohler wondered if anything could have prevented the 18-year-old's suicide.

"Tyler could just have well been one of our own children," said Mohler, a father of two and president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, who criticized the Christian treatment of gays on his blog.

"Christians have got to stop talking about people struggling with sexual issues as a tribe apart."

In the wake of a spate of gay youths who were bullied -- and some who took their own lives -- Mohler and some other vocal opponents of homosexuality are taking new steps of introspection.

While defending traditional Christian teaching against homosexuality, they say divisive and condemnatory rhetoric needs to be replaced with actually getting to know a gay neighbor or classmate.

Some have gone even further. Exodus International, a leading "ex-gay" group, pulled its sponsorship of the annual "Day of Truth," which encourages students to express their disapproval of homosexuality.

Alan Chambers, president of Exodus, recalled the pain of being a middle schooler who was bullied because peers thought he was gay. The recent suicides led him to think his organization needed to lead the way in encouraging less "polar" ways of addressing sexuality.

"I think the church really needs to approach these issues in a much more conversational, relational, service sort of way," Chambers said. "Not to change our position about biblical truth -- because we haven't done that -- but to really understand that whether someone agrees with us on this issue or not doesn't mean that they're not our neighbor."

On Tuesday (Oct. 12), Mormon officials received 150,000 signatures on a petition that criticized a top church leader for condemning gay marriage and declaring that a homosexual orientation can and should be changed.

Noting Mormons' own history of persecution, church spokesman Michael Otterson said there is "common ground" between Mormons and gay rights supporters on the topic of standing against bullying and harassing young gays.

"Our parents, young adults, teens and children should therefore, of all people, be especially sensitive to the vulnerable in society and be willing to speak out against bullying or intimidation whenever it occurs, including unkindness toward those who are attracted to others of the same sex," he said.

The current issue of an Assemblies of God ministers' journal discusses pastoral counseling on homosexuality, and while the church maintains that homosexual behavior is "against God's word," leaders say hatred and bullying are entirely inappropriate.

"It's that balance between conviction and compassion and we are really trying to walk a line," said the Rev. James Bradford, general secretary of the Pentecostal denomination.

Gay rights groups, meanwhile, remain skeptical. Such sentiments are a positive "step in the right direction," said the Rev. Rebecca Voelkel of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, but they do not go far enough.

"If we reach out in love, and yet our real message is that who you are as a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person is not beloved in the sight of God, then that reaching out may in fact be under false pretenses and could in fact be even more dangerous," said Voelkel, a minister of the United Church of Christ.

In recent weeks, blogger John Shore has found many evangelicals grappling with these issues in their comments on his blog post that connected Christian opposition to homosexuality with gay teen suicide.

Shore, a progressive Episcopalian from San Diego, said he can't applaud evangelicals who say they are sympathetic to gays but also condemn their behavior as sinful.

"It doesn't matter during the course of the day how often I move to defend the gays if at the end of the day I am convinced that the way they are is an abomination to God," he said.

Pastor Mike Cosper of Louisville, Ky., said he agrees with Mohler that the church could be less judgmental about homosexuality, and believes evangelicals shouldn't get any more "fired up" about it than they would about greed or any other sin.

Yet he disagrees with advocates like Voelkel who wish conservative churches would change their viewpoint on sin.

"The reality is we have historic faith, we have a belief and we have plenty of anecdotal and testimonial evidence of people who've said I've walked away from this lifestyle," said Cosper, whose Sojourn Community Church has hosted conferences to help pastors "shepherd people through that journey."

Religious leaders aren't ready to lay the blame of the suicidal deaths of gay teens like Clementi on themselves. But Mohler said gay friends in his congregation have helped him realize he should not consider homosexuality "someone else's problem."

"Do I think the church is primarily to blame? No," said Mohler. "But does the church have a responsibility? You bet. ... I'm not suggesting there was some congregation that failed (Clementi). My concern is that we're failing many others."

Exodus backs out of anti-gay program

Christian group pulls support for event challenging homosexuality

CNN's Dan Gilgoff filed this report: October 6th, 2010
A national Christian organization will stop sponsoring an annual event that encourages school students to "counter the promotion of homosexual behavior" because the event has become too divisive and confrontational, the group's president told CNN on Wednesday.

"All the recent attention to bullying helped us realize that we need to equip kids to live out biblical tolerance and grace while treating their neighbors as they'd like to be treated, whether they agree with them or not," said Alan Chambers, President of Exodus International, the group that sponsored the event this year.

Called the Day of Truth, the annual April event has been pushed by influential conservative Christian groups as a way to counter to the annual Day of Silence, an event promoted by gay rights advocates to highlight threats against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students.
The Day of Truth, held on the same day as the Day of Silence, "was established to counter the promotion of homosexual behavior and to express an opposing viewpoint from a Christian perspective," according to a manual for this year's event published by Exodus International.

On the Day of Silence, students take a "a vow of silence to bring attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in their schools," according to a web site run by the event's sponsor, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN).

The Day of Silence began in 1996. The Day of Truth started in 2005 and attracted the participation of 6,000 students nationwide this year, Chambers said.

"I thank Exodus for making this very important step," said GLSEN Executive Director Eliza Byard on Wednesday after hearing of Exodus' decision. "The Day of Truth was an effort to push a very specific set of opinions about homosexuality into schools in a way that was inappropriate and divisive."

On the Day of Truth, middle and high school students are encouraged to wear Day of Truth T-shirts and to distribute cards that say "It's time for an honest conversation about the biblical truth for sexuality," according to Exodus' manual for this year's event.

"I don't think it's necessary anymore," Chambers said of the event on Wednesday. "We want to help the church to be respectful of all its neighbors, to help those who want help and to be compassionate toward people who may hold a different worldview from us."

Chambers said that Exodus International - which promotes "freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ," according to its website - has not changed its position on homosexuality but has reevaluated how best to communicate its message.

An expert in evangelical responses to homosexuality says Exodus' decision is likely to be criticized by some conservatives.

"This is a very significant move, a very real break," said Warren Throckmorton, an associate professor of psychology at Grove City College. "Some will say that simply naming sexual orientation provides legitimacy for homosexuality."

At least one major Christian group, Focus on the Family, stood by the Day of Truth on Wednesday.

"Without question, Day of Truth is a loving and redemptive way students of faith can express their views positively in response to GLSEN's Day of Silence which only presents one point of view," Candi Cushman, education analyst for Focus on the Family, said in a statement.
"In contrast to the whole idea of 'silence,' Day of Truth has encouraged students to exercise their free speech rights and have an open dialogue while respectfully listening to others," Cushman said.

The Day of Truth was started by the conservative group Alliance Defense Fund, Chambers said, but the group transferred primary responsibility for the event to Exodus this year.

Chambers said he contacted Alliance Defense Fund last week about his decision and that it's unclear whether that group will continue to sponsor the Day of Truth.

"As the organization leading the event, Exodus International is free to make decisions they deem best regarding the event," the Alliance Defense Fund said in a statement Wednesday.
"Contrary to comments by GLSEN falsely labeling the Day of Truth as 'inappropriate and divisive,' the event was always about the right of students to peacefully express their point of view on the subject of homosexual behavior," the statement said.