What does an ex-gay/reparative/conversion therapy leaders job look like?

One of few remaining Australia's ex-gay/reparative/conversion therapy ministries, Liberty Christian Ministries, is advertising for someone to work for the organisation (advertisement above). 

After 15 years of monitoring ex-gay organisations and knowing many ex-gay leaders (former and current), it made me think what a realistic job description might look like. Probably something like this.

********************************************************************************

A Christian ministry, working with 'unwanted same sex attractions', seeks new leader.

Selection Criteria

Essential

• Your same-sex-attraction must be unwanted 
• Supernatural faith that God can make all people 'normal' (turn green eyes to blue, red hair to brown, make left handed people right handed and, of course, homosexuals heterosexual) 
• Excellent double-speak communication skills. Example 1: Say heterosexuality is not the goal but constantly talk about being married and having children with 'proves' you are no longer gay. Example 2: Say you are a 'former homosexual' and that any thoughts or feelings you have now towards the same sex are just thoughts and temptations. 
• Good knowledge of appropriate wording (appropriate words - homosexual, homosexuality, unwanted same-sex-attraction, sexual/relational brokenness. Inappropriate words – gay, lesbian, LGBT, sexual orientation. You can use the word gay when referring to gay activists or the 'gay lifestyle' however.) 
• Clearly understand the 'no-one is born gay' theory but that homosexuality is caused by a strong mother/weak father and/or sexual abuse and be able to source websites and articles that demonstrate you are right (whilst ignoring latest scientific research).
• Ability to link an individual's sexual addiction and abuse to their homosexuality and not be confused these as separate issues.
• Be prepared to accept the highest levels of accountability to make sure you are not secretly playing up behind the scenes. 
• Confidently and assertively communicate to people struggling with same-sex-attraction that they can never experience falling in love or having a life partner (celibacy is their calling). 
• Highly motivated to work with people who eventually give up. 
• Exceptional organisational skills to build a ministry that is becoming increasingly irrelevant. 
• Must be able to quote the Sodom and Gomorrah story, Lev 18:22 & 20:13, Romans 1:26-27, I Corinthians 6:9 by heart. And also demonstrate that these verses are about homosexuals today and have nothing to do with rape, pagan practices or temple prostitution.

Preferred

• Married to someone of the opposite sex and sired children which 'proves' you've been cured. 
• Experienced in running small support groups and managing the emotional trauma of participants sharing their deepest shame and failings.
• Have previously experienced sexual addiction, sexual abuse and/or at least dabbled in the 'homosexual lifestyle'. The more tragic the better. 

Successful applicants will have to answer these 20 questions

NB: No formal psychological or counseling accreditation required.

For more information on the work of Liberty Christian Ministries read here.

© Anthony Venn-Brown 

Twitter: @gayambassador 

Facebook: Anthony Venn-Brown - A Life of Unlearning

Facebook: Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International 

Website: www.gayambassador.com 

Email:  info@gayambassador.com 

Anthony Venn-Brown is the co-founder and former leader of Freedom2b, Australia’s largest network of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) people from Christian backgrounds. He is also an educator and consultant on LGBT/faith issues and leader in deconstructing the ‘ex-gay’ myth. Anthony’s autobiography 'A Life of Unlearning', details his journey from married, high profile preacher in Australia’s mega-churches to living as an openly gay man. Anthony has been twice voted ‘One of the 25 Most Influential Gay and Lesbian Australians’ (2007 & 2009) and  was one of four finalists for the 2011 ACON Community Hero Award. He is also the founder and director of Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International.

Exodus Global Alliance Australia continues to crumble

Recent mainstream media reports about the closing down of world's leading 'gay cure' organisation, Exodus International, and its impact on Australia have been misleading claims Anthony Venn-Brown.

The Sydney Morning Herald's headline, which went out to hundreds of Fairfax outlets, read 'Gay cure' therapy will continue is lacking two more words says Venn-Brown "it should have read 'Gay cure' therapy will continue ....to disappear"

Anthony Venn-Brown, the founder and director of Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International has been monitoring ex-gay organisations activities in Australia for over thirteen years. Venn-Brown has just returned from attending the final Exodus conference in Orange County CA, He was invited by Exodus International's president, Alan Chambers to hear the historic announcement "it's over".

According to Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International research released this time last year, two thirds of organisations offering help to people with "unwanted same sex attraction" in Australia and New Zealand no longer exist.

"Since that research there have been further ground breaking developments and even more organisations have shut up shop" Venn-Brown said. 

Australian and New Zealand "ex-gay" organisations have been a part of the Exodus Global Alliance which is a loose affiliation of ministries outside North America who believe that homosexuality is a sin, a choice and can be changed.

"Even though the Sydney Morning Herald article stated that these groups will continue the work it failed to mention what little there is left of the crumbling Alliance" Venn-Brown commented.

"Mosaic Ministries website has been taken down after the tragic suicide of one of its participants and the only worker at Liberty Christian Ministries, Haydn Sennitt, just resigned. Last year, Haydn admitted that he had only seen less than a dozen people.  Ministry One is another organisation that has gone from the Asia Pacific Global Alliance website as the founder and director, Simon Tinkler, came out as gay and been living with his male partner since 2009.  I released his story and apology last week after the Exodus conference", Venn-Brown added.

Not only did Tinkler apologise for leading others astray he said "Above all I encourage gay people not to get married for the sake of the precious other person involved and to avoid ex-gay ministries like the plague".

One of the few remaining members of the Global Alliance is Living Waters and the director, Ron Brookman vows to continue his work to see homosexuals change.

Venn-Brown says this ministry will also disappear as he has also released a statement from a former straight Living Waters leader, Alan Le May. In the statement and apology Le May says he was "well meaning but misguided" and added "After approximately 3 years facilitation and subsequently many more years observation of other similar programs I have seen these hopes dashed rather than fulfilled and the consequence being a range of social, emotional and psychological problems for those whom we were compelled to help".

"The vast majority of Australians don't see being gay as an issue and an increasing number of Christian churches are welcoming and affirming. The struggling Australian ex-gay organisations are swimming upstream against a tsunami. Considering the tragedies I've seen these organisations create in lives, the end can't come soon enough". Venn-Brown concluded.

Media inquires

Anthony Venn-Brown

M: +61 (0)416 015 231

E: anthony@gayambassador.com

W: Ambassadors &  Bridge Builders International

Blog: http://gayambassador.blogspot.com.au

Twitter: @gayambassador

Can straight porn change unwanted same sex attraction

Since Exodus International, the religious umbrella group for ex-gay ministries, said it would nolonger try to “cure” homosexuality it caused a split in the ex-gay world. In Australia, LibertyChristian Ministries  and Living Waters have sided with the old school approach and holding on to their guns preaching change is possible. "Look at me" the leaders say, "I am married, I have children".

One of the things that came out of the ex-gay “rift” was evidence that Joseph Nicolosi, founder of the pseudo scientific organisation NARTH (National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality) , usespornography in his “therapy”. This is used to supposedly help clients “imagine” having different attractions. This is quite feasible as I know of gay guys from Christian backgrounds who have tried to do the same themselves and also know of pastors and parents who suggested hiring a female prostitute would help them. Nicolosi  rebuffedthe claims  saying that he used gay porn to desensitize clients  and that he "uses pictures of women they find attractive in mainstream magazines and we work on developing a physical attraction to them, through their imagination".

NARTH also posted an article by Nicolosi about “overcominggay pornography” that demonstrates the organization’s twisted and unrealistic understanding of sexuality.

According to Nicolosi, gay men are drawn to gay porn because it fulfils three “emotional needs”. These emotional needs, Nicolosi claims, are the result of compromised masculinity which is causing them to be gay.

Firstly gay men watch gay porn because of "body envy", as they feel inadequate in comparison to the porn actors’ “muscularity, body hair, large build, and the archetypal image of masculinity, a large penis.”  

The second, Nicolosi proposes, is an assertive attitude, in which gay men are drawn to the “directness, non-inhibition, and bold aggression” of the porn actors. And thirdly he suggests “vulnerable sharing,” because gay men are attracted to the “open sharing of emotions” portrayed when two men are together.

Simply put, Nicolosi believes all gay men are emotionally weak, body-conscious cowards and are desperate for loving attention from other men. Nicolosi's  solution? Make some friends and those three needs will be met.

Nicolosi's twisted views on homosexuality produce weird theories and practices and misses the very simple fact. Gay men  are attracted to gay porn because they are same sex oriented.This is the way their brains and hormones are wired. Trying to desensitize them to their natural same sex attraction or showing them images of the opposite sex is crazy crazy stuff.

Nicolosi's clients are closeted, tormented people who are troubled by the same sex attraction because of either religious beliefs, family pressure or both. In the 50's, 60's and early 70's mental health professionals came up with all kinds of theories and therapies to try 'cure' people of their homosexuality. Aversion therapies, injections, electric shock treatments and lobotomies were just some. At that time, the pressure to change came from society who viewed homosexuality as an illness and crime. The draconian practices  of the 50's, 60's and early 70's never worked. All mental health professional organisations through to the World Health Organisation have not only moved on but rejected change/conversion/reparative type "therapies".

As long as there are out-dated religious beliefs, family and society pressures to conform and general ignorance about sexual orientation, ex-gay organisations will continue to promote their twisted theories that play on vulnerable people. Thankfully our societies are changing in western countries to more enlightened understandings of sexuality. Unfortunately, in the mean time, they cause untoldharm to people trouble believing they have unwanted same sex attraction. To say nothing of the wasted years and money.

© Anthony Venn-Brown 

Twitter: @gayambassador 

Facebook: Anthony Venn-Brown - A Life of Unlearning

Facebook: Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International 

Website: www.gayambassador.com 

Email:  info@gayambassador.com 

Anthony Venn-Brown is the co-founder and former leader of Freedom2b, Australia’s largest network of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) people from Christian backgrounds. He is also an educator and consultant on LGBT/faith issues and leader in deconstructing the ‘ex-gay’ myth. Anthony’s autobiography 'A Life of Unlearning', details his journey from married, high profile preacher in Australia’s mega-churches to living as an openly gay man. Anthony has been twice voted ‘One of the 25 Most Influential Gay and Lesbian Australians’ (2007 & 2009) and  was one of four finalists for the 2011 ACON Community Hero Award. He is also the founder and director of Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International.

Ex-gay - contradictions, denial and mental gymnastics

When people say they are struggling with unwanted same sex attraction and seek to be ex-gay, their minds play all manner of crazy tricks on them in order to keep the hope alive. Insidious denial, contradictions and mental gymnastics are the only way they can maintain the ex-gay facade. It's a sad and tragic reality to live in – two realities and neither of them fully real.

This experience is not limited to people in ex-gay type therapy. It is also a common experience amongst gay and lesbian people in Christian churches who are closeted and tormented about their unresolved sexual orientation.

In a BBC documentary, this young man's conversation is very common amongst people struggling with 'unwanted same sex attraction', as they call it. In one breath he talks about the cessation of his temptations when seeing an attractive guy during the day but then talks about his addiction to gay porn. Apparently he has tried to look at straight porn to overcome his gay feelings and in the hope that it might turn him on but it turns him off - 'it was kind of gross' he says. You notice how he distances himself from actually being gay by using the term 'SSA', which stands for same sex attraction.

In Freudian psychoanalytic theory, defence mechanisms are psychological strategies brought into play by the unconscious mind to manipulate, deny, or distort reality (through processes such as repression and rationalization), and to maintain a socially acceptable self-image or self-schema. This is clearly obvious in the person who believes that their homosexuality makes them unacceptable to God and others. 

Cognitive dissonance is a term used in modern psychology to describe the state of holding two or more conflicting cognitions (e.g., ideas, beliefs, values, emotional reactions) simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance in social psychology proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance by altering existing cognitions (beliefs and reality), adding new ones to create a consistent belief system, or alternatively by reducing the importance of any one of the dissonant elements. E.g. 'I am not gay or homosexual I have SSA' or 'I'm struggling with unwanted same sex attraction'. 

I hear this constantly when I listen to ex-gay testimonials. In one breath they speak about overcoming, changing, being married or having children and in the next breath they speak about the temptations and thoughts that still exist; as if these are inconsequential. They appear oblivious to the inconsistency and irrationality of their statements. 

Often people in ex-gay programs or reparative/conversation therapies have sort them out because they have a tortured thought life or a sexual addiction or obsession that often plays out in pornography, chat rooms, saunas or beats. There is never any real emotional connection with the other person though. Because the addicted person wants to hide it is usually brief, anonymous sexual encounters.  They are afraid of intimacy as that will touch the very heart of who they are – gay. This must be avoided at all costs.

What the person is unaware of is that they have created a fragmented sense of self. The gay self is the secret self – the dark self which lives in a world of shame, guilt and fear . The other self is the public self that they believe is the one that will be acceptable and 'normal'. They live in two realities. 

The other thing they  fail to realise is it that the denial, suppression and hatred of the gay self is what actually creates the addictions and obsessions.

Coming out, for most of us, is like an exorcism that releases us of the darkness we have lived in for years and caused us to believe awful things about ourselves. On the other side of the looking glass though are freedom, light and an authentic life. :-)

© Anthony Venn-Brown

Twitter: @gayambassador

Facebook: Anthony Venn-Brown - A Life of Unlearning

Facebook: Ambassadors &  Bridge Builders International

Website: www.gayambassador.com   

info@gayambassador.com

Anthony Venn-Brown is the co-founder and former leader of Freedom 2 b[e], Australia’s largest network of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) people from Christian backgrounds. He is also an educator and consultant on LGBT/faith issues and leader in deconstructing the ‘ex-gay’ myth. Anthony’s autobiography 'A Life of Unlearning', details his journey from married, high profile preacher in Australia’s mega-churches to living as an openly gay man. Anthony has been twice voted ‘One of the 25 Most Influential Gay and Lesbian Australians’ (2007 & 2009) and this year was one of four finalists for the ACON Community Hero Award. He is also the founder and director of Ambassadors &  Bridge Builders International ( www.gayambassador.com )  .

Q & A Letters to the Sydney Morning Herald

Letters to Sydney Morning Herald after Archbishop Peter Jensen's comments on the ABC's Q and A.

Jensen spoke words of love not homophobia

"I am a pastoral worker for Liberty Christian Ministries. I once identified as a gay man and lived actively as one for about five years. In that time I went to Anglican churches where Dr Peter Jensen was the archbishop, and I was frequently warned against living in sin. Though I resisted hearing that at times it never once made me feel suicidal or depressed: rather, I felt loved and safe (Letters, September 12).

I knew living as a homosexual was wrong even independently of what the Bible said because I had to have regular health checks to ensure I hadn't picked up hepatitis, AIDS, or blood toxicity from the things I was doing. That is what the gay life involves - risky sex that puts life on the line. It diminishes life quality and life expectancy.

Health research bears out the reality of the risks of gay sexual practice. The 2010 national STD conference run by the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention in the US produced evidence that the rate of new HIV diagnoses among men who have sex with men is more than 44 times that of other men and that the rate of syphilis among this population is more than 46 times that of other men.

Peter Jensen's words on Q&A were reasoned, reasonable and said in love because he wants, as I do, people to have freedom in Christ and live life to the full now. That's not homophobic, that's love.

Haydn Sennitt 

Unedited letter on the Liberty Christian Ministries website 

Letter to the SMH editor (unpublished)

The problem is psychological not sexual

Mr Sennitt's perception of what it's like to live as a gay man in the 21st century is based upon his own experience and leading a particularly promiscuous lifestyle over several years.  During this time, from his frequent public admissions, he sort regular sexual encounters in a variety of outlets with many men.  He often speaks about his tormented upbringing and difficult family relationships.

Mr Sennitt's unhealthy emotional, psychological and sexual journey speaks more about his lack of self worth and need for acceptance, affirmation and validation than the fact that he is/was gay. Mr Sennitt and others often refer to the gay or homosexual 'lifestyle' but somehow fail to acknowledge that heterosexual people with low self esteem, seeking acceptance and affirmation may also find themselves involved in endless, meaningless sexual encounters or relationships. Obviously the problem is not a person's sexual orientation. Sennitts risky sexual lifestyle begs the question, "What drove him to behave in such a reckless fashion? Was it his internalised homophia and self-hatred or his orientation?"

As a former ex-gay, married, Pentecostal minister, living now as an openly gay man for 20 years....and working with people who are resolving faith/sexuality issues I am acutely aware of how traumatic this journey can be. Mr Sennitt's journey has been particularly harrowing.  And I might add is not over.

Many gay and lesbian people I know, myself included, find it highly offensive when comments are made assuming that being gay equals having the morals of an alley cat.  There are many gay and lesbian people who live moral lives whether they are in relationships or not. And an increasing number of these are also people of faith.  Obviously Mr Sennitt would not have encountered these people in the places he sort relief or connection and indeed today seeks to distance himself from  them.

It seems that Archbishop Jensen's and Haydn Sennitt's answer to a person with same sex orientation is either cure (ex-gay) and become a 'situational heterosexual' or live a life of celibacy.

In Genesis God is quoted as saying "it is not good for man to be alone". Unless you are gay of course.

Anthony Venn-Brown

Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International

E: info@gayambassador.com

Twitter: @gayambassador

ABOUT ANTHONY VENN-BROWN

Anthony Venn-Brown is a founder of Freedom 2 b[e], Australia’s largest network of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) people from Christian backgrounds and is currently director of Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International. He is an educator, consultant and commentator on LGBT/faith issues and been committed to deconstructing the ‘ex-gay’ myth in Australia. Anthony’s journey from married, high profile preacher in Australia’s mega-churches to living as an openly gay man is detailed in his autobiography 'A Life of Unlearning'. Anthony has been twice voted ‘One of the 25 Most Influential Gay and Lesbian Australians’ (2007 & 2009) and was one of four finalists for the 2011 ACON Community Hero Award.

Ex-gay Stories All the Same - common themes

Ex-gay (overcome unwanted same sex attraction) stories are all prettty much the same. In the video below is someone who proclaims they are 'ex-gay', that is, changed from gay to now being a heterosexual, married person. The common themes in these stories include:

• It's my parents fault I'm gay - my father didn't love me and/or my mother was overbearing.
• I was sexually abused
• I hated myself as a gay person
• I had substance abuse issues and mental health problems
• My life was completely messed up and was really dillusioned the  'gay lifestyle' (whatever that is)
• I had numerous meaningless sexual encounters and therefore lacked any sense of morality or self respect
• I couldn't maintain a long term relationship/relationships
• Testimonials are often sensationalized and over dramatized. In this story below two 11-12 year old boys playing/experimenting together is called sexual abuse. Sometimes people talk about having been drug addicts but in truth they were drug users.This is obviously different but not as dramaitc.
• There is no mention of falling in love with wife or husband. This is what God wanted apparently.
• The person now has a ministry that rescues or works with people struggling with 'unwanted same sex attraction'. This creates added pressure to maintain the façade or live in denial or they will lose their identity/ministry/source of income.

Interesting to note that:

• Many gay and lesbian people had and still have wonderful relationships with their parents but are still gay. Many straight people also had poor relationships with their parents but are heterosexual.
• Abuse is abuse but it doesn't make a person gay. Certainly not during experimental phases of puberty with people the same age. 
• Around 40% of people have had a same sex experience but obviously not 40% of the population are gay.
• Heterosexuals also can lead self-destructive lifestyles and be promiscuous etc but if they have a conversion experience don't feel the need to blame their tragic past on their sexual orientation.
• When straight married people talk about their partners and how they met they usually talk about how they fell in love. And even that they are still in love. This is not a part of ex-gay stories. They love their partners like a best friend.
• Gay men and lesbians can exist in heterosexual marriages but this is not a change in orientation it is situational heterosexuality.
• Amongst gay and lesbian people is a spectrum of morality as there is amongst the straight community. Many gay and lesbian people live in long-term, committed, monogamous relationships. These ex-gay stories assume the opposite because of their own personal experience - often of many meaningless, unfufilling sexual encounters.
• Gays and lesbians have not cornered the market on sex by any means. An alarming number of married men and women have extra-marital affairs.

If you feel that you are tormented by uwanted same-sex attraction then the answer lies in loving and accepting your true self not rejecting or self loathing. The term 'unwanted same-sex attraction' adds to the denial. It is not an attraction it is an orientation. It is far deeper than just an attraction or behaviour and is a part of your brain wiring, thought processes, hormones and behaviour. People nedd to examine the 'unwanted' part of the statement not the orientation itself.

Before you invest the time, money, emotional energy and possibly years of your life trying to go from gay to straight, ask the ex-gay leaders what guarantee they can give you that it will work. If they are honest with you, the best they will be able to offer you as a degree of ‘heterosexual functionality’, but the gay never actually goes away. Then ask yourself what would be the best way to spend your time, money and emotional energy…..rejecting yourself or accepting yourself.

After 22 years of trying to change including ex-gay programs, exorcisms and 16 years of marriage, I came to the realisation that loving myself was far healthier than hating and rejecting my true self. Like 1,000’s of others today, I finally discovered that I can live a wonderfully fulfilling, moral life as an openly gay man and still have my faith.

Anthony Venn-Brown 
More details about ex-gay/conversion/reparative therapies and organisations here